Wake

Just came back from a wake. LF's dad passed away. Though I am not at all close to him, I still hope he would get by this period well. My condolences. I heard it was pretty abrupt.

Anyway the main issue in this entry is the fact that I can't help but noticed how wakes are being conducted. I think for the past year, I have been to more wakes than I have for the past 10 years add together. And except for CS's more Christian wake, the rest of the more traditional wakes seemed a bit odd for me.

The conventional wake to me is for mourning. To that, I had always pictured a more melancholic atmosphere, where the loved ones, relatives and friends and/or family members' friends convene at the deathbed, hoping to see for the last time the deceased, before he/she passed on forever into intangible memories. And there is this pall of sadness and seriousness looming over the whole ceremony, tinged maybe with a little regret, hanging in the air; I had imaged that at least.

However, in reality, things are more different...

Today, as an example, it felt a lot like a social gathering. People were playing mahjong, laughing to the tiles. There were many chatting at tables, grinning to inside jokes and greeting 'long-time-no-sees' to the company at the table that they perhaps haven't met for years but just happened to have an occasion for a meet-up. A glaring contrast to the quiescent photo and the coffin that stood behind them.

Perhaps that sounds a little too harsh.

Ok, there are many people with neutral faces as well. Maybe I am just expecting some more extreme kind of melodrama. The wife weeping, kids crying. The others all sad and forlorn... Many of the were in their fifties, men and women. It made me wonder if they were belying their own fears of the inevitable, as they touched ground in the era of the half-centenarians. Somehow they seemed to have that etched on their faces. Not grim-faced grim, but the kind of resignation that can only exist when you have walked the earth for more than half a century. It seems kind of morbid to think this way: the living empathising with the dead, but not with the living.

The stark discrepancy between the stereotypical gloom and the actual neutrality of the whole scenario kind of obfuscates me somehow I guess.

Probably it reminds me of my mum's mentality and got me pondering. Already understanding, only now more... Probably it isn't resignation, more of acceptance. And that I feel, this could be more important than anything else. To her, and to the people she love. But still, the very thought of it wrenches the heart...

Birthday surprise!

Ok it's that time of the year again, where you officially get one year older and people starts calling you the "late-twenties club member". But more importantly for me, for the first time, I am really starting to feel the weight of growing up - responsibilities.

I think stepping into the working world has that effect on people. Especially when you are the sole breadwinner of the family now. Some people realised this slower than others - the late bloomers, there are some others who have always known - the mature ones - and there are some who chose not to know - the oblivious. Whatever the case (I think I belong to the slower cohort LOLX), time just dons responsibilities on you. Like clothes. You either try to fit into it, or you burst it and then u realise u r barenaked. And then u either go on to try something new or u cower in embarrassment.

Other than responsibilities, I think there is something call prioritization. And it means when u have an astronomically long list of responsibilities, you start by sorting which one is more important, sometimes not in the practical sense. And to me, that is not something innate. But sometimes, the order can change according to the scenarios and acclimatization then sets in to work. So then you have to do change accommodation.

Big words? Well, I guess that's part of growing up too, you start learning huge jargons..

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SO, 26 years later, on this day that I was born, I had chosen to go to the office, instead of taking leave (prioritization at work), and nobody else at work seems to realise this is my birthday (except for a few), so I kept mum (acclimatization).

Anyway, trivialities aside, this year's birthday is exceptionally special cos I am spending it with my dearie for the first time. She really did pounce multiple surprises on me, like swept me off the ground kind, on a number of occasions: from the flowers at work, to the surprise dinner (absolutelyhaven@prinsep), to the surprise cake, to the card and she drove me home. All done despite the fact that she was feeling unwell.

To my sweet dearie, I am beyond words. I can only say, I totally appreciate it more than anything, and the anticipation and happiness of the day itself (it started right from morning) would have to be the best present that I ever received. Thank you, sweetie. =P

And please, do get well soon.



And to all good friends out there, thank you as well.