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Collecting emotions

While nursing a broken heart, I ironically feel more... complete.

This is one emotion I have never experienced before. Rather it's more like several emotions - I taste anger, pity, regret, hurt, grievance... then melancholy - all rolled into one. You can't quite place a finger around it but yet it's more palpable than anything you have felt before. 

Maybe the fact that it's so elusive yet so unmistakably there, makes it so heart-wrenching. Like a wisp dancing in the shadows. It never truly goes away - something, somewhere, somehow - lingering. Then it gets triggered - by a flighty animal, a simple lyric, a mirthful chuckle, a remnant memory. And in the most unexpected way, you feel that familiar deep twist to the heart. Yes, as much figurative as it is literal.

Things weren't turned out to be actually [edit] dramatic. But they still hurt anyway. So very much.

Perhaps this is what they mean by living a life - a collection of experience and emotions. How many have you collected?

--Lewis Carroll
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

http://favmy.com/2013/09/27/photos/1380254635/

Glassware

Again, I am so amazed by how specific a certain category I took for granted can get (e.g. bulbs, pastries, bread) and am so appalled by my own ignorance haha. I think my brain is wired quite naively - how do people remember all these + many many more!! Ok, I think I sound foolish now lolx.

http://www.mannerandlane.com/?s=glassware&x=-1132&y=-328

This infographic about wine glasses and their uses might be even better:

http://winefolly.com/tutorial/types-of-wine-glasses/

是时候

是時候 該轉身就走
從此放棄 我們渴望的永久 

。。。

多希望自己就這樣鬆開手
一切很灑脫 好好看著你走
堅強該是我 給你的自由
還能做什麼

。。。

儅晚，我看見你驟變的臉，我就該已經明白。望著那模糊的面孔，你失溫的語言把空氣漸漸凝結了，心就開始寒了。當時真的無法理解，我之前的喜悅怎麽會演變成今晚的局面。或許我的心是被懞著的。

心揪著。有種無形的痛，虛無縹緲，卻又很實在。一種很糾結的痛。。。

應該是我給你自由吧。你一直都是我的快樂，我渴望的永久，但我，已不再是你的了。

。。。

五年。我要學著慢慢地，把它，把妳放下。

50 Shades of Grey trilogy

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-57443135-10391698/florida-library-puts-50-shades-back-on-shelf/

I stumbled upon the first book at a tag sale in Spore and brought it all the way to New Haven before I could read it (I was reading Game of Thrones Book 4 back). Of course, being the bookworm that I am, I had to finish up the other 2 to complete the trilogy, thanks to New Haven Public Library for the e-books.

I was pretty intrigued, because I have never explored erotic literature before. As it turns out, the trilogy is quite a read.

Protagonists: Anastasia Steele and Christan Grey
Synopsis: Recent college graduate Ana Steele and business tycoon Christian Grey met in an unlikely interview and found mutual attraction. Anastasia has never been in a relationship and Christian has a dark brooding past that haunts his present, resulting in his domineering nature. But expectedly, their mindsets of the world and themselves changed when their romance sparked off, along with their erotic adventures, mainly BDSM (Bondage Domination Submission Masochism). They started to embark on a journey of mutual and self-exploration, both physically and emotionally.

E.L. James started this as a fanfiction to the Twilight trilogy, got it published and now it's moving on to the big screen! As it turns out, having also read the Twilight trilogy, I felt there is a lingering sense of similarity. Just a very slight shadow. Like how Christian and Edward are both self-loathing and ashamed/frightful of their past and how they are drawn to Ana and Belle, intrigued by a certain trait that perhaps will only be privy to the male protagonists themselves (C's BDSM tendencies and E's telepathy). And of course, how A and B are portrayed initially as inexperienced or powerless but are in fact very strong women that ultimately saved the day. Their lives as the rich. Similarities between Mia and Alice, Elliot and Emmett.

Well, for romantic suckers, this trilogy will be a great read. I also think this has been pretty educational and enlightening, for my first foray into unexplored literature. The scenes can get really raunchy and graphic and they pique you in the right places. I wonder how the movie is going to be shot.... Beneath all these "kinky fuckery" (sic), I feel there are a number of pertinent messages conveyed about relationships: among them, openness and communication.

So, if you are looking to try a different genre, or an open mind looking for new literary adventure, this might be the one you are looking for. I mean it's got everything: romance, life, action and sex. Just a little more explicit sex. Shrugs.

If we were indeed from the movies...

Distraction

Before this, my mind was all about planning the future. Scrimping, saving, a single-minded drive to finish my PhD ASAP, where to plan for my postdoc/industry to set up family, marriage...

Right now, while much of those start to shrivel and wilt (except to finish my PhD ASAP), I need to take stock of where I should be heading. Time off to let things sediment after the storm.

Maybe I should plan a vacation somewhere. That might be a welcoming distraction at the very least.