Saturday, October 26, 2013

You are not moving

I went to the food carts a few days ago and P and O told me they are moving out of NH - this is going to be their last week here! I wasn't expecting this; I guess I have always thought they would always be here.

Indeed then, the world is moving on. Without me.

Happy places are for happy people

Happy places are for happy people.

I am happily living in a dark place right now. Dark and twisted. Morphing into something closer to vindictive. A shade darker everyday. My precious... A glimpse of the psyche of those who turned from love to hate, vacillate from pole to pole. How simple thoughts can creep, encroach and contort. It only takes a very nuanced notion to find the right niche... with time, it festers and grows.

Everyday, I yell a hundred things inside my head. Every night, I wallow. Sometimes, I look up and see nothing yet see things. It's so surreal. It scares me, yet it's reinvigorating. Maybe I am going schizo.

Happy thoughts are for happy people. 

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Closer to a Nobel Laureate

One of my bosses' ex-boss is now a Nobel Prize Laureate! Oddly, it does feel a bit surreal to have a "closer relation" to a Nobel celebrity... It's like you have just got a ticket to nepotism or something lolx.

Anyway, he's a super nice guy! Congrats!

Monday, October 7, 2013

One more Nobel Prize Laureate!

It's quite amazing (and inspiring) to see Nobel Prize winners everyday in school: T. Steitz, being one that frequent my floor very much and I sat in his lectures, and sometimes I see S. Altman, walking extremely cautiously... Or you get to see them sprout in school, like today - J. Rothman.

At the same time, it is also heart-wrenching to see professors who are nearly there but didn't get the prize year in year out.

Well, the Nobel Prize in Medicine and Physiology 2013 goes jointly to J. Rothman, Randy Schekman and Thomas Südhof. Definitely something to be proud of - a sterling recognition of an academic's hard work in basic research =) And it's from one of the professors from my school! Congratulations!

Friday, October 4, 2013



Collecting emotions

While nursing a broken heart, I ironically feel more... complete.

This is one emotion I have never experienced before. Rather it's more like several emotions - I taste anger, pity, regret, hurt, grievance... then melancholy - all rolled into one. You can't quite place a finger around it but yet it's more palpable than anything you have felt before. 

Maybe the fact that it's so elusive yet so unmistakably there, makes it so heart-wrenching. Like a wisp dancing in the shadows. It never truly goes away - something, somewhere, somehow - lingering. Then it gets triggered - by a flighty animal, a simple lyric, a mirthful chuckle, a remnant memory. And in the most unexpected way, you feel that familiar deep twist to the heart. Yes, as much figurative as it is literal.

Things weren't turned out to be actually [edit] dramatic. But they still hurt anyway. So very much.

Perhaps this is what they mean by living a life - a collection of experience and emotions. How many have you collected?

--Lewis Carroll
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”