Finality

I got the finality that nailed the coffin.

From here on, I need to pick up my pieces. The very soul that has been shattered to smithereens.

Somehow, there is this lingering sense of betrayal, even though there were no third parties involved. I had no time to ponder, no time to think and no time to react. I had no inkling. Whenever I asked, there was nothing from her and it seems like my fault. Or maybe I had always made it seem like my fault. But all the while for months, she was distancing herself. Unknowingly even to herself, she was preparing her emotional armor. And I was led on, clueless, thinking I was being the unreasonable one and I should be making amends. And she did make me make amends, when all I did was communicate. On hindsight, I was stupid. I couldn't even see the signs. How different she was from before... But I guess, the distance really took its toll...

I need to wake up from all my delusions.

Picking up the pieces will cut me. I need to pull out the thorns, one by one. They will leave scars. But they will also dry and leave scabs. Gosh, this hurts so much. Like a lance, right through the heart.

For now, let me grieve. Let me mourn. Let me cry. Just. Let me be...